Well, that was embarrassing.
After touting my skills as a gambling picker to the collective consciousness of the Internet, Sunday proved me a fool to anyone who was paying attention. By all accounts, last Sunday was the worst gambling day of my life. Beyond my 0-5 performance in the Hypothetical SuperContest, I went 3-12 against the spread in my weekly picks league, worse than any week I’ve had in the past two years. Thankfully, as a fairly reformed actual gambler, my monetary losses were kept to a minimum, save for three fairly small bets I had my sister place for me in Vegas during the preseason, (sorry about the losses Russell, I’ll get you back when I can).
Sometimes we mess up.
Sometimes we start singing the second verse of “Through the Wire” four bars too early. Sometimes we make promises we can’t keep. Sometimes we put off working on a project or writing a paper or formatting an article on hypothetical gambling until moments before they are due.
Sometimes we post articles on hypothetical gambling with a few spelling/mathematical errors, and don’t even give out winning picks. Read More
I am currently in Santa Barbara, California, and I am proud to say: We made it.
I have written this column in almost as many different cities around the world (five) as I have had losing weeks against the spread (six). Together, we have seen the glory of the Mediterranean Sea, the chaos of French keyboards, and the beauty of RUSSELL HUSTLE BUSTLE WILSON. Read More
I missed you Bucci.
Week 16 marks the first full week of the 2013 NFL season during which I have been present in the USA. I have taken full advantage of all of the resources not afforded me in London; SportsCenter, NFL Live, and finally having access to Twitter on my phone again have all greatly influenced my consumption of football and gambling related media.
I am worried that everything I have worked for is about to fall apart. Read More
I only have a week left in London and it has been making me crazy. I worry so much about going on adventures and doing British things, that I have very little time to actually go on adventures and do British things.
This Thanksgiving was my first away from my family. While I was studying in London my family gathered to see my father and celebrate in Las Vegas. This is what we call a “double-whammy” in the business. In addition to the the delicious taste of a Mom-made Thanksgiving, I would also be missing the chance to turn all of my Hypothetical bets into real (and legal) ones. I didn’t get to bet on the Iron Bowl and the craziest finish in recent sports memory. Read More
This is getting ugly.
I mean, things have been worse, but to give you an idea of how I feel about my picks recently, I google image searched “ashamed” to find this picture to lead off the column.
Last week as I attempted to bring my hypothetical picks back to hypothetical glory, I instead dug myself deeper into the pits of poor pickdom. Has my time in London finally caught up with me? Is my removal from American culture seeping through? Would I be better serving the world if I started hypothetically picking the Premiere League?
This is just a bad stretch. All gamblers go through them, and I must pass this God-given test to prove my hypothetical worthiness.
It had to happen.
I was not going to go the whole season without a losing week. To be honest, I eked out a 2-3 last week; I pick every game in a semi-legal picks-against-the-spread contest with some friends and went a dismal 5-11 overall. I was lucky to go 2-3.
But I will persevere. I have made it through worse than this. I sat through Transformers 3 in its entirety in theaters. I survived both the Bronx and North Philadelphia. Hell, I was dumped at an amusement park once. I have lived through pain; 2-3 won’t bring me down.
I am looking at this in the same way that I try to look at those previous struggles. I need to learn from my mistakes, bad sequels and cruel women. So what can I learn from last week’s 2-3?
I know I said this last week, but I really can’t believe how okay this exercise is going. I have now successfully made winning picks for two consecutive weeks. I feel like I am swimming (or skiing) in money. This never happens. I have attempted to write recurring gambling columns in the past, but quickly got frustrated as my jokes ran dry and my picks ran drier. Read More
Welp, here we are, gang. The second week of college football. The second AP poll of the year has been released and some have dropped (Ohio State, Georgia) while others have seen their stock rise faster than Anacott Steel (Washington, Oklahoma State). This week, College Gameday will be focused on Ann Arbor, Michigan which makes the
nonsensical, unimportant historic, traditional rivalry one of the focal points in a week that features other rivalry games such as Florida-Miami and Georgia-South Carolina. It’s also a week of firsts for the Stanford Cardinal who got to sit in their dorms in Palo Alto and watch their eyes melt at the sight of a Lane Kiffin offense on their parents’ hand-me-down 52-inch, LED TV. I am excited because I am going to be at home base in Charlotte and not off on Ocracoke Island trying to watch the game while people waft their savory crab cakes in my face. My excitement will probably crash once I realize that the remaining games consist of match-ups against Tennessee Tech, UTSA, UAB, and Sam Houston State. Oh, brother. In the name of all things holy (REESUS), LET’S GET IT.