Welp, here we are, gang. The second week of college football. The second AP poll of the year has been released and some have dropped (Ohio State, Georgia) while others have seen their stock rise faster than Anacott Steel (Washington, Oklahoma State). This week, College Gameday will be focused on Ann Arbor, Michigan which makes the
nonsensical, unimportant historic, traditional rivalry one of the focal points in a week that features other rivalry games such as Florida-Miami and Georgia-South Carolina. It’s also a week of firsts for the Stanford Cardinal who got to sit in their dorms in Palo Alto and watch their eyes melt at the sight of a Lane Kiffin offense on their parents’ hand-me-down 52-inch, LED TV. I am excited because I am going to be at home base in Charlotte and not off on Ocracoke Island trying to watch the game while people waft their savory crab cakes in my face. My excitement will probably crash once I realize that the remaining games consist of match-ups against Tennessee Tech, UTSA, UAB, and Sam Houston State. Oh, brother. In the name of all things holy (REESUS), LET’S GET IT.
No. 12 Florida at Miami: It’s been thirteen years since these two teams have played and with the SEC heading towards a nine game schedule, it’s doubtful that the folks in Gainesville want to get tangled up with anyone from Coral Gables ever again after this weekend. With Duke Johnson and a resurgent Miami team under Al Golden coming out strong in their debut against FAU, it looks like the ‘Canes are heading for national relevance again. One of their road blocks? Dominique Easley and his rope chains as well as a defense that could, if requested by Governor Rick Scott,shut down an oncoming highway full of tourons who are attempting to leave The Sunshine State and go home. This will inevitably be an ugly win for Florida though as Jeff Driskel and the Gator offense don’t understand the concept of traffic patterns nor do they know which side of the road to drive on.
Southeastern Louisiana at No. 24 TCU: The
Battle Frogs Horned Frogs didn’t do their blood splattered uniforms any justice last week against LSU but they should handily beat Southeastern Louisiana who I didn’t even know existed until I looked at TCU’s schedule last week.
No. 13 Oklahoma State at UTSA: The ‘Pokes visit San Antonio to face the mighty Roadrunners led by known BCS title winner, Larry Coker. After the Cowboys’ impressive opening against Mississippi State, I believe the Roadrunners will end up looking like Wil E Coyote (why am I making Looney Tunes jokes) due to the offensive prowess of OSU. They are known to throw the ball but they CAN RUN THE BALL IF THEY HAVE TO.
Eastern Kentucky at No. 9 Louisville: Shame on me for doubting Louisville and Charlie Strong. They dominated Ohio with a Teddy Bridgewater performance that has now placed him at the top of the Heisman conversation. I have no doubt that Louisville can continue their rein of terror and demolish Eastern Kentucky as well as the rest of the American Athletic Conference, which consists of six teams that lost to FCS programs. Ouch.
Tennessee Tech at No. 21 Wisconsin: The Badgers dominated UMass in supreme fashion and I think Gary Andersen is going to continue his dominance. With three running backs who all rushed for over one hundred yards and a defense that can adjust to different looks, Wisky marches on.
South Carolina State at No.4 Clemson: Your Shock the World Tour rolls on with Dabo screaming about how he beat TWO BULLDOGS IN TWO WEEKS DAG NABBIT IT’S GOTTA COUNT FOR SOMETHIN.
Buffalo at No. 23 Baylor: Buffalo’s defense was able to put up twenty on Ohio State as well as make some good stops. However, I don’t think this will translate against the Bears of Waco where Lache Seastrunk will put the Big Ten’s idea of speed to shame. I think Baylor racks up some points, rolls over the Bulls, and Art Briles keeps his crown as Texas Trap Lord.
San Diego State at No. 3 Ohio State: I guess this is the point where I tell you where I stand on Ohio State in the 2013 season. As you know, I am a fan but I am always going to be a pessimistic fan who thinks they will lose every game from here until the end of time because life’s all about lowering your expectations or something like that. When they will lose, I will still be a tad bit emotional but I have prepared myself for the worst. Anyway, my prediction? With Bradley Roby reinstated, they should look better and win handily against an Aztec team who lost to Eastern Illinois but don’t tell that to the defeatist in me.
No. 2 Oregon at Virginia: Mark Helfrich and the Ducks fly all the way out to Charlottesville to learn that UVA is very good at schooling and pedigree but not that great at football. It will be a spring game for Oregon while the Cavaliers will wish themselves away at a frat party where a Dave Matthews cover band called Satellite will be playing.
No. 6 South Carolina at No. 11 Georgia: Georgia has a lot to worry about after their offensive line was pushed around by Clemson’s front seven. I don’t see the Dawgs bouncing back unless Athens turns up the heat (I meant in Fahrenheit not in offensive play calling, Mike Bobo). With Malcom Mitchell out and a defense that seems struggling to coalesce, I think South Carolina wins a close one in Sanford and becomes the second team in the 2013 season from the Palmetto State to win against Georgia.
Syracuse at No. 19 Northwestern: Kain Colter and Venric Mark look uncertain going into the Wildcats’ home opener against the Orange but Trevor Siemian and Trayvon Greene both proved effective in the season opener against Cal. However, ex- Syracuse defensive coordinator turned head Syracuse coach, Scott Shafer, has seen Siemian play and knows about his playmaking abilities. Northwestern also suffered a loss on defense when cornerback Daniel Jones suffered a knee injury. This game is going to be a challenge for the Wildcats but it won’t be one that Fitzgerald can’t field his way through.
Southern Miss at No. 22 Nebraska: Hail Varsity and Hail the New Offensive Minded Bo Pelini who is now resorting to relying on his offense to make up for what the defense is lacking in stopping power. T-Magic threw for three touchdowns last week while Ameer Abdullah and Imani Cross both ran for over a hundred yards. This week will probably be no different as Southern Miss looks to break its 13 game losing steak in the FBS. In the end, it will get ugly and Cornhuskers will groan but they will eventually come out with a win in another game with a struggling defense.
West Virginia at No. 16 Oklahoma: West Virginia comes to Norman after scare to an FCS team. Dana Holgorsen will still be running an air raid while the defense will, once again, be obviously absent. The Sooners were great in their opener against Funroe and did not give up anything. I suspect they will come out swinging and often against a Mountaineers team that is trying to find themselves within the Big 12. I suspect it to be a boat race by the 2nd quarter.
Sam Houston State at No. 17 Texas A&M: Mr. Manziel gets to play the full four quarters and I’m not even going to waste any more energy on how this one is going to end.
No. 17 Texas at BYU: The Longhorns run a fast paced offense and the game is in Provo. Such great heights! So many breathless playmakers! BYU has a surprisingly good defense and I suspect the conditions to slow down Texas. As far as the Texas defense is concerned, it’s still Texas as we know them from previous years. I expect it to be closer than people think with the Longhorns coming out on top.
UAB at No. 9 LSU: The Blazers have to face a punishing defense as well as the Tigers’ newly competent offense. Unless Les Miles runs everything into the ground, LSU should come out on top.
No. 14 Notre Dame at No.17 Michigan: This is a rivalry built up by history and tradition but one that started on a foundation made of BANDZ. This game has always been close in recent years especially during Notre Dame’s miracle year of our Trap Lord 2012. The Fighting Irish have a strong front seven that can push around Michigan’s inexperienced interior offensive line. They also have Reesus. But, Michigan has Devin Gardner, Fitz Touissant, and Derrick Green as well as a more than competent offense. In a game that’s always been a toss up in the end, I’m gonna go with the home team here and say the Wolverines win it in THE B1G HOUSE.
Washington State at No. 25 USC: I have a feeling there’s going to be a never ending quarterback battle in Los Angeles and Lane Kiffin will just leave Marqise Lee hanging in the balance because he’s Lane Kiffin. Silas Redd’s debut will be this weekend but giving how well the offensive lane is able to push front sevens, which is not well at all, the offense will continue to struggle. Yeah, I know – it’s Washington State but they were able to hang 24 on a resurgent Auburn team and their defense is showing signs of life. In the end, this game will be closer than people expect but due to USC’s home advantage – it looks like the Trojans march on.
San Jose State at No. 5 Stanford: The gilded gates of Palo Alto open their doors to San Jose State who look to upset the Cardinal. Last year, the Spartans almost beat Stanford at home if it weren’t Ed Reynolds intercepting Spartan QB, David Fales. This year Fales has revenge on his mind as they head to The Farm once again. It’s going to be a tough task with linebackers Shayne Skov and Trent Murphy waiting to be the disrupters of anything that tries to move across the line of scrimmage. I expect Stanford to win but this one might get interesting.
That’s all folks. And yes, I’m aware I made two (now three) Trap Lord references and that’s because A$AP FERG TRAP LORD IN STORES NOW.