Monthly Archives: September 2014

(Via Jill Swartzentruber | Baylor Lariat)

The current landscape of college football in Texas is alien to those clad in Burnt Orange. Once infinitesimal, Baylor is now attempting to vacuum all of the top skill players into the void known as Waco. The Bears are building something destructive, an unstoppable force that has eviscerated all who came before it. It’s en route and bearing the number seven. For the unranked Longhorns, what was once considered science fiction is now reality, and it is approaching at light speed.

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(Via Leon Halip, USA Today)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Arizona State invited everyone to your house on Thursday night because lol why not, man? The SEC East just wanted to talk about Rob Schneider and how no one in this country respects the First Amendment anymore. Oklahoma State thinks you’re not real, man. And Michigan was the most disgusting, uncouth guest that you had to welcome into your home because you work with him. 

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Last week I watched football in New York City.

After checking out the People’s Climate March and a bit of yelling at corporations, I met up with my friend and diehard cheesehead Peter at a Packers bar uptown. We drank and watched the Packers lose, then drank and watched the Eagles win, then drank another shot because we remembered that the Packers had lost. After that we went back to his apartment and ate tacos and watched RedZone. It was a great day.

A little before 7:30pm I had to roll out, with plans to meet my cousin for more drinks later in the evening. At the time of my departure, there was about ten minutes left in the Broncos-Seahawks game, the Broncos defense had just forced a safety to cut the Seahawks lead to 17-5. I felt pretty good about my chances of Seattle (-5) covering as my feet hit 83rd street, but as I walked south towards my subway station I chanced upon a bar with open bay windows and a big screen showing the game. Peyton Manning was driving the field and eventually hit Julius Thomas with a three yard touchdown pass to make it 17-12. My bet now felt like a sure push.

I decided to wait and see what happened on the next few drives, and what followed was one of the most exciting conclusions to a game so far this season. This is because I watch games as both a football fanatic and gambling addict. Sometimes, both of those synapses in my brain start firing on all cylinders and a perfect union of football appreciation is born. Allow me to explain.

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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: Yes, we had to invite the SEC East. Why?! Because it was the nice thing to do. I don’t care how weird you think Gary Pinkel is. Now would please stop complaining. Arizona State and UCLA had a huge party next door on Thursday and my head hurts. 

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Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: The Top Five get high anxiety because there are too many people in the house. Two ranked SEC schools are shown the door after clogging the toilet with paper towels. And East Carolina wouldn’t quit shouting how they were the best team in North Carolina.

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