Hypothetical Gambling – Let’s Get Real

I have been hypothetically gambling my way around the world throughout the course of the 2013 NFL season. I have hypothetically picked RUSSELL HUSTLE BUSTLE WILSON from London, Paris, New York, Barcelona, Santa Barbara, and my home town of West Chester, Pennsylvania.

I didn’t mean for this to turn into a hybrid gambling/travel blog, but it sort of did, and it sort of worked.

I decided that the only way this column could properly conclude would be to bring it to the only city in the world where hypothetical gambling makes even less since than it does already:

We’re going to Vegas.

Oh man. Oh man. ISN’T THIS EXCITING GUYS?

After weeks and weeks of backing the Seahawks with my fake money, we can finally do it for real. With real money. And it’s totally legal. I’ll be spending the Super Bowl in Vegas and I’d like to invite you to come along.

Before we get way too excited about this Sunday though, let’s get way too excited about my hypothetical picks from Championship Weekend:

Whoa. I was killing on all hypothetical fronts two weeks ago, netting almost §200 hypothetical dollars and setting myself up for a big Super Bowl Weekend if I were planning on using hypothetical cash again. But we’re in Vegas, meaning real cash is a must and bringing us to the first of a few Burning Questions:

Where did I find this cash?

I need to gamble with real money in Vegas, but how could I fund this gambling excursion after being mad broke for the past seven months? Well, if you have been following my journey from the start, you might remember that time I had the perfect week while swimming in the Mediterranean. In addition to going 5-0 in my SuperContest picks that week, I correctly picked all but two games against the spread for a pick’em league which I take part in. My dope selections that week netted me $170 in real cash, which I am putting towards this mission. My mom spotted me an extra $50 to bring my gambling budget for Super Bowl Weekend to a nice, round $220.

Okay, my mom spotted me a little more than that. She’s kind of the best.

Where will this money be spent?

At the books. Nowhere else. No wasting money on a blackjack table or rolling dice. As I proved over the course of the regular season, I (hypothetically) have some sort of an advantage over the house when gambling on sports – more so than any other game I could potentially spend my money on, real or hypothetical.

Okay, I might play poker once.

How was my flight?

Oh my God thank you for asking. It was brutal. I had an aisle seat, but as soon as I started getting settled in, a 50-something year old Russian man asked if I would switch seats with him so he and his wife could sit next to each other. I obliged, taking his middle seat and with it all of the good karma I could carry.

But this dude didn’t even give me a real “thank you” choosing instead to simply say “Good”, which irked me a little bit. Anyone that travels on a regular basis knows that not having seats next to your travel partner means one of two things:

1. You did not get your tickets early enough
2. You were not willing to pay the $40-$80 seat change fee

I do not agree with the absurdity of those seat change fees, but I would just like the world to recognize the fact that I gave up my aisle seat for a middle one during a flight that would turn out to take slightly upwards of six hours. This is probably as close as I will ever get to taking a bullet for a stranger. With that said, if I ever end up taking an actual bullet for a stranger, someone better make sure he gives me a real “thank you”.

Is this a vacation? How much work are you putting into this?

This is not a vacation. This is work. Also, it’s a chance to hang with my pops who is currently working a real job over here. These are all of the booking sheets that I have been pouring myself over for the past three hours:

After my flight landed at around midnight local time (with my body clock feeling 3am), my pops and I cruised around to three different casinos – The Orleans, The LVH, and Mandalay Bay – in order to pick up the necessary sheets for researching prop bets. Each book has a packet for “The Big Game” or “The Pro Football Championship” (you’re not allowed to say “Super Bowl” due to the world’s worst copyright law) that has twelve pages worth of prop bets ranging from totally reasonable to completely insane. And I now have two days to decipher these pages and win some money.

I also snagged sheets for Soccer, Tennis, Golf, and an assortment of other goodies, just in case.

What can we expect out of this column over the next few days?

Hopefully two more posts, covering all the bets I’ve made, whether they be winners or losers. I want to give you an inside view of the Vegas experience, allow you to live vicariously through my addiction. There will be anger. There will be frustration. There will be glory. And above all else, there will be HUSTLE, BUSTLE, and RUSSELL WILSON.

What are you doing with the rest of your day?

I will be working with all my might to avoid the blackjack tables while simultaneously examining each books offerings in Super Bowl prop bets looking for value. Thanks for asking!

Also, I bet three NBA games for $22 each:

• Thunder -5 over Nets
• Warriors -5.5 over Jazz
• Grizzlies -1 over Timberwolves

Hopefully I can win some of the money I lost playing poker earlier today…

But I don’t mind losing. It’s a pleasure to play. It’s a thrill to even be here. Check this out:

That is just one of four boards up in Mandalay Bay posting bets and scores.

I’m home.

Happy Sundays.