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TV Party 2015: Week 9

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October 29, 2015
College Football
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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten five of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: After a few weeks of an embarrassment of riches, this week is shaping up to just be another embarrassment. Embarrassments are some of the most terrifying situations for some people, including yours truly. That works out great for this week’s lead up to Halloween. So, to preview this week’s slate, I am going to run five games with my very own Horror Index, which is based on some of the most embarrassing moments of my life. SPOOKY SCAAAARRY! 

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Cleaning Up the Mess 2015: Week 7

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October 19, 2015
College Football
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(Via Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Jim Harbaugh hosted one heck of a dinner party. It was one of the most ornate, delightful party you had ever seen until the rabid Wolverine that Harbaugh keeps as a pet gnawed on some electrical cords, jumped into the Baked Alaska, and shat on the Honey Baked Ham. Art Briles said his goodbyes and then hauled off in his super charged Dodge Challenger with a Radio Flyer wagon containing Dana Holgorsen tied to the bumper. Les Miles just dipped his finger in the cake with the Wolverine hair inside, licked his finger and then said, “what a spread. Love it.” Things are getting really weird around this house.

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Cleaning Up the Mess 2015: Week 6

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October 12, 2015
College Football
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(Via Carlos Osirio/AP Photo)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Jim Harbaugh was invited over to play Pictionary and still cannot stop yammering about how unfair it was that you skirted the rules even though he won. Charlie Strong stopped by, smiled, tipped his brand-new hat and said, “Good day” before dropping off Oklahoma, who had waaaaaaaayyyyyy too much to drink. Utah didn’t return anyone’s texts until later in the evening and then showed up out of nowhere only to sink into the couch and chuckle maniacally at the wall.   

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Cleaning Up the Mess 2015: Week 5

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October 5, 2015
College Football
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(Via Gary McCullough/AP)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Gary Patterson wanted to let Texas know that they’ve made better chicken salad with just salt, pepper and chopped tofurkey. Ohio State showed up to the party and nearly dropped that shiny, highfalutin ice sculpture they made. Alabama brought over some cake with Georgia’s name on it only to shove it in their faces moments later. And, Al Golden wants to know why Map Quest gave him directions to Cincinnati. Everyone promptly asked Golden afterwards why he’s still using Map Quest. 

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Cleaning Up the Mess 2015: Week 4

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September 28, 2015
College Football
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(Via Getty Images)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Bret Bielema really does not care for that cheese dip that you made even though he unknowingly spilled it all over the front of his shirt. Cal shows up to the party with both brilliant Nobel prize thesis and a case of wine. Utah decided it would be funny to bring a cake just to smash it in Oregon’s face before walking off and saying, “O’Doyle Rules!” Also, Butch Jones’ maxillofacial surgery requires that you cut up his food before he eats so he doesn’t choke on it.

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TV Party 2015: Week 4

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September 23, 2015
College Football, Sports
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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world

This week: If last week was a corporate branded tailgate, this week is sinister in that the corporations have now rescinded their feast. So long, plentiful beer and wings! Hello, Notre Dame-UMASS! Get on up here, Southern vs. Georgia! Also, here’s South Carolina vs. UCF which is basically a chicken wing with the tiniest shred of meat hanging to it.

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Cleaning Up the Mess: Week 14

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December 2, 2014
College Football
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(Via Thomas Graning/AP)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: the house has been destroyed. These past few weeks have toppled to a spot where we shared some laughs, tears, and daydreams about Mississippi State in the playoff. The house is now condemned and will hopefully be restored before the beginning of next season. Maybe we can go to your friend’s house to watch the bowl games and TALK ABOUT FORDHAM FOOTBALL.

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TV Party: Week 10

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October 29, 2014
College Football
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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: Halloween is on a Friday so it’s more than likely that you might be a little hungover from the night before. Tough cookie, man. We’re playing Run the Jewels 2 until no one else can stand it anymore. At maximum volume. With air guitar. Go get some aspirin and park your rear in a chair. This is going to be a looooooong Saturday.

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Cleaning Up the Mess: Week 9

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October 26, 2014
College Football
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(Via Crystal LoGiudice/USA Today Sports)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: we were just about to serve the homemade apple turnovers when LSU barged in the door with a vat of gumbo. After telling people to “hush”, the uninvited house guest in purple and gold shoved heaping portions of the stew in front of the already full house guests. Then, LSU sat on the couch and changed the channel to a terrible movie about Edie Sedgwick called Ciao! Manhattan. It was better than making it through another hour of Christopher Cross.

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