The Hypothetical SuperContest 2015 – Week 9

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Gonna keep this short and sweet because I’m even later than usual this week and holy shit have I been usually late this season. Last week I took all home dogs and rode them to a nice and safe 3-2. After an 0-5 start Week 1, we have finally scratched and clawed our way back to .500 against the spread. Survival is the name of the game at this point.

On to the Week 9 slate. Home team gets the asterisk.

supercontest2015_week9Whew. The great thing about today is I don’t have enough time to get terrified by this slate. We’re flying on instinct. Our eyes are closed as we pull the trigger approaching the core of the Death Star. This usually doesn’t end well for me, but whatever. Be the hero of your own story kids.

Raiders (+4) over Steelers*

image1 (2)

So the Raiders are catching real love from the sports world now, which I am only sort of okay with. You know that thing that happens where you really like this band and no one else will give you the time of day but you go to see them every time they’re in town. Then top-40 radio decides that “Sex on Fire” is a hit and everyone wants to buy every song Kings of Leon ever wrote EXCEPT Aha Shake Heartbreak even though that’s their best shit. You know how that happens sometimes?

That’s sort of how I feel about all these people trying to get all up on my Derek Carr and Amari Cooper love. With that said, totally down to invite everyone onto the Raider bandwagon as long as all the late-comers recognize that I’m the one driving. If Oakland making the playoffs means they have to do whatever the football equivalent is of releasing Only By The Night I might just wait to see if they get back to their roots next season.

I’ll be honest, that metaphor didn’t totally pan out, but we’re on the clock so we’re sticking with it. GO RAIDERS.

Packers (-2.5) over Panthers*

panthers2015

I’ve shit on the Panthers a few times already this year. I said some dumb stuff heading into their match against the Eagles a couple weeks ago. Could you really believe the Panthers are going to go 6-0? A little after that, I became aware that Carolina has won 10 (now 11) straight regular season games. Maybe they have that thing that Seattle seemed to have the past two years, where they just win games no matter what.

This is a sucker line and I am making a sucker bet. But the Panthers have to lose eventually. And if they don’t lose this week, I mean, look at that schedule. I don’t know how they don’t go undefeated. So this is really a bet on common realities as opposed to a bet against the Panthers.

R-E-L-A-X.

Falcons (-7) over Niners*

I think the Falcons are super fake. If they make the playoffs, they’re going to get bowled, just as long as whatever team they play is smart enough to triple team Julio Jones. But the Niners are super garbage.

Colts* (+5) over Broncos

Basically what happened here is I went through the whole slate of games picking each one, and at the end I realized I had gone against every home dog. That’s what suckers do. I had to change at least one. Colts looked the tastiest – Broncos are coming off a huge win and either Andrew Luck shows up eventually or he’s dead to me and my fantasy team and we should get back to ushering in the age of Matt Hasselbeck.

Eagles (-2.5) over Cowboys*

Lololiloliloliloi Jesus it's like they don't watch us play football at all.

A post shared by Tyler Lauletta (@thisbytyler) on

Hopefully I’ll tell you more about this on Tuesday.

Chance the Gambler

I ran to the coffee shop by my apartment that had the fastest wifi to write this. It was 12:43pm when I got to Chance. 17 minutes to publish. Ted was sitting behind me and I asked him for five numbers. He obliged and I am forever in his debt. His picks:

4, 18, 25, 23, 7

Those translate to:

Raiders (+4) over Steelers*

Niners* (+7) over Falcons

Chargers* (-4) over Bears

Eagles (-2.5) over Cowboys*

Vikings* (-1.5) over Rams

Damn Ted you’re better at this that you know.

Someday I’ll be better world, I promise.

Happy Sundays.

My Picks Last Week: 3-2 /// My Picks Overall: 20-20

Chance Picks Last Week: 3-2 /// Chance Picks Overall: 21-19

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