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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world. 

This week: ROAD TRIP! We’re takin’ our Holler Smarts all the way from Appalachia to Norman, Oklahoma for a Big 12 shootout between the Mountaineers and the Sooners. Afterwards, we’re gonna weave our way through some golf courses to Athens, GA for a beautiful afternoon Between the Hedges where you’ll hear the delightful, shared song of the Alabama and Georgia fan bases, “Run the Dang Ball.” Then, we’ll turn the car around and head back towards Waco, Texas in order to watch a masked man attempt to escape from ravenous bears that have been fed nothing but Clive Owen’s liquid cocaineWe will then storm back towards South Carolina for Notre Dame-Clemson where Irish fans attempt to explain sacrilege to a dude wearing orange and purple candy striped overalls. 

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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: COLLEGE FUCKING FOOTBALL RETURNS SO WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU DOING ON SATURDAY?!

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(Via Thomas Graning/AP)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: the house has been destroyed. These past few weeks have toppled to a spot where we shared some laughs, tears, and daydreams about Mississippi State in the playoff. The house is now condemned and will hopefully be restored before the beginning of next season. Maybe we can go to your friend’s house to watch the bowl games and TALK ABOUT FORDHAM FOOTBALL.

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(Via Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: “Do you remember that one time we went cow tipping over at the Stewart Farm and that one cow bucked you right in face?” “Yeah, man. That hurt like hell.” “Or the time when we was out at that party and-and-and the cops came to shut it down and everybody ran out the back door and you fell into a pile of dog poo?” “Yeah, man. I had to take like three showers when I finally made it home.” “Hahaha, yeah. And, what about the time you tried hitting on that girl and she just ended up pouring a drink on you? Hahaha.” (We just had to run into Nostalgia this weekend. We’re never leaving the house again.) 

For a brief moment, it seemed like the world was thrust back to 2012. Everett Golson threw a perfect pass to receiver Corey Robinson on a slant route for a touchdown with 13 seconds remaining. The score read 33-31. Notre Dame would be back in the conversation as one of the most elite teams within the crazed sport of college football. In a flash of yellow, that possibility disappeared.

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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: Notre Dame is coming down the street. It’s going door-to-door to remind people that all Halloween decorations must be “tasteful” or face potential cosmetic homeowner fees. Oh no, here they come. Let’s get out of here. Say, why don’t we go down to our favorite honky tonk? You know the one with the Ernest Tubbs records and Big 12 football on. The one with no draught beer. Yeah, let’s go. It beats getting a lecture on why we can’t turn a pumpkin into a child birthing scene

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(Via Jim Lytle/AP PHOTO)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: The furniture is on the roof, a screaming motorcycle crashed through the front door, someone played “Nessun Dorma” while the television was on mute and there may or may not have been a conversation about Tim Tebow. Yes, it’s 2014, and someone talked about Tim Tebow playing in the NFL. This all might seem strange and without regard for order, but it couldn’t be any weirder than Mississippi State earning the designation as the best team in the country. 

Surrealism defies logical explanation and justification. Why is that clock melting? How did that apple get there? Why is Louis C.K’s neighbor throwing a water jug out of the window? There is no explanation needed for these events because there is not meant to be one. You can try to explain Mississippi State’s 2014 season using empirical and anecdotal evidence of player development as well as recruitment evaluation. It doesn’t in any way make up for the fact that you feel like you’re in a college football fever dream punctuated by a septuagenarian ringing a cowbell and speaking in tongues.

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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: The Red River Shootout is bringing a fried ball of Takis, Twinkies and bacon along with a burning papier mache cowboy. We don’t care; we’ll take it. Ugh, the SEC East is here again. Baylor says that TCU might report them to the Homeowner’s Association and they are really just okay with that. Hawaii wants to stay up late so we will oblige with beer, snacks and the new Flying Lotus album for this after dark experience to The Other Side of football.

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