At the risk of sounding like a BuzzFeed article, here is a video from the internet, and I’m going to give you a list of things related to it which, I hope, will make you want to watch the video so that you can nod along with me.
Of all the byproducts of mid-90s Anglophilia, including the Spice Girls, Trainspotting and the worldwide coverage of Princess Diana’s death, perhaps the most notoriously raucous entity to emerge was the rock band Oasis. You remember, they of “Wonderwall,” the anthem of every college freshmen stairwell guitar player and 90s-themed parties? The Gallagher brothers fought relentlessly, against Blur, against the media and, most notably, against each other, eventually culminating in a breakup just prior to a 2009 concert in Paris.
Although I admittedly thoroughly and genuinely enjoy Oasis’ music, I have to admit that the best part of the Oasis experience lies in the interviews Noel and Liam Gallagher give, particularly in retrospect. The 2003 documentary Live Forever: The Rise and Fall of Brit Pop is a wonderful example of this, as are the Noel and Liam “10 things I love/hate” videos. A simple YouTube search will have you listening to these guys get their rocks off hating on things that don’t matter anymore, if they ever did, but in such a ridiculously hilarious and quintessentially Mancunian way that it’s hard not to laugh continuously.
In 2010, Oasis released the Time Flies: 1994-2009 compilation, which spans the band’s entire career. Noel Gallagher provided commentary on the music video DVD, and recently, @samhuxley compiled a video (above) of some of the better bits from that commentary. So without further ado, here is a collection of entirely profane Noel Gallagher quotes, taken entirely out of context:
1. “It seems like this guy was just making it up as he was fucking going along…he was saying, ‘We should bury the drum kit,’ and I was saying, ‘Why don’t we bury the drummer?’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah! We’ll fucking bury the drummer!’ And I was like, ‘Wow, is that how easy this is? You just fucking randomly suggest nonsense, and people just go and film it?’ Fuck me…there’s a lot of Adidas going on in here.“
3. “I fucking hate videos. I hate everything about them. I hate the fact that they cost a fortune, I hate the fact that you’ve gotta be there at eight in the morning, I hate the fact that you don’t leave until eight the fucking next morning, I don’t like the fact the people who’re making them think they’re fucking making Apocalypse Now.“
4. “That wasn’t an actual record playing, by the way, and he’s not a real clown.”
5. “A guy actually said to me on this video shoot, ‘Can we do that bit again, but can you do it with a bit more energy in your eyes?’ I still have no idea what he meant by that to this day. I don’t know, ‘Do you want me fucking to stare at you like a fucking serial killer?'”
6. “This is fucking nonsense.” (Begins laughing)
7. “Is this real? Is this a real video?…Is this leading up to something? Have you seen this video?”
8. “I have to say, out of all these videos, if you need four guys to walk around in slow motion, we were the fucking best at that.”
9. “So she’s dead. Alright, so there’s a death in the video, that’s nice.”
10. “If anybody’s listening to this at home, you’d be advised to probably go and fucking mow the garden or something, because this goes on for ages…and ages.”
11. “Is that a man with legs made of sausages? That’s not real. Someone’s having a fucking laugh. I know for a fact that’s got nothing to do with this song. A man with legs made of sausages? Fucking hell.”