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Tag Archives: Texas

Cleaning Up the Mess: Week 14

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December 2, 2014
College Football
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(Via Thomas Graning/AP)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: the house has been destroyed. These past few weeks have toppled to a spot where we shared some laughs, tears, and daydreams about Mississippi State in the playoff. The house is now condemned and will hopefully be restored before the beginning of next season. Maybe we can go to your friend’s house to watch the bowl games and TALK ABOUT FORDHAM FOOTBALL.

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TV Party: Week 9

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October 22, 2014
College Football
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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: our football Saturday will be marked by chicken salad finger sandwiches, white wine, and pumpkin spiced anything and everything, as well as some soft rock*. No, not “that” tape of soft rock. CVS Bangers is strictly reserved for weekends unlike this one. We just want to entertain in a polite manner (and cry immensely while trying to pretend this is what we want to do). 

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Cleaning Up the Mess: Week 7

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October 12, 2014
College Football
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(Via Jim Lytle/AP PHOTO)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: The furniture is on the roof, a screaming motorcycle crashed through the front door, someone played “Nessun Dorma” while the television was on mute and there may or may not have been a conversation about Tim Tebow. Yes, it’s 2014, and someone talked about Tim Tebow playing in the NFL. This all might seem strange and without regard for order, but it couldn’t be any weirder than Mississippi State earning the designation as the best team in the country. 

Surrealism defies logical explanation and justification. Why is that clock melting? How did that apple get there? Why is Louis C.K’s neighbor throwing a water jug out of the window? There is no explanation needed for these events because there is not meant to be one. You can try to explain Mississippi State’s 2014 season using empirical and anecdotal evidence of player development as well as recruitment evaluation. It doesn’t in any way make up for the fact that you feel like you’re in a college football fever dream punctuated by a septuagenarian ringing a cowbell and speaking in tongues.

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TV Party: Week 7

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October 7, 2014
College Football
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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: The Red River Shootout is bringing a fried ball of Takis, Twinkies and bacon along with a burning papier mache cowboy. We don’t care; we’ll take it. Ugh, the SEC East is here again. Baylor says that TCU might report them to the Homeowner’s Association and they are really just okay with that. Hawaii wants to stay up late so we will oblige with beer, snacks and the new Flying Lotus album for this after dark experience to The Other Side of football.

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TV Party: Week 6

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October 1, 2014
College Football
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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: all of the prior weeks seem like slimy, flimsy hors d’oeuvres compared to the Guy Fieri flavor-blasted, honkin’ serving of football in week 6 which is piled high on a bed of potato munchlings and served for the first time ever LIVE IN OXFORD, MISSISSIPPI. Put your turkey leg eatin’ pants on – you’re gonna be gettin’ the meat sweats after you get yourself a hearty helpin’ of footbaw. 

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The Eyes of Texas are Upon a Parallel Universe

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September 30, 2014
College Football, Sports
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(Via Jill Swartzentruber | Baylor Lariat)

The current landscape of college football in Texas is alien to those clad in Burnt Orange. Once infinitesimal, Baylor is now attempting to vacuum all of the top skill players into the void known as Waco. The Bears are building something destructive, an unstoppable force that has eviscerated all who came before it. It’s en route and bearing the number seven. For the unranked Longhorns, what was once considered science fiction is now reality, and it is approaching at light speed.

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Cleaning Up the Mess: Week 3

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September 14, 2014
College Football
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(Via Jeff Blake – USA Today Sports)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: The SEC East came from an open bar, outdoor wedding that was caught in a rainstorm and trekked mud all throughout the house. They also had time to pee on your nice rug before leaving. The ACC just sat on the couch mumbling about ‘golden years’ and ‘basketball’ then went the way of an Irish goodbye. Meanwhile, the Top Four teams drank soda all night and laughed at the latest ‘Lie Witness News’ sketch from Jimmy Kimmel. 

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TV Party: Week 3

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September 9, 2014
College Football
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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: Uncle Verne (and, ugh, Gary) is back for the first SEC on CBS coverage of the year. His presence ensures an tantalizing match in Columbia yet his stay will be brief. The rest of the evening will be a fool hearty attempt to entertain your neighbors who would much rather be in the comfort of their home and watching their brand, new Roku rather than sit through the slaughter of Tennessee at Oklahoma.

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Cleaning Up the Mess: Week 2

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September 7, 2014
College Football
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Courtesy of Detroit Jock City

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: The Pac 12 brought a party bus full of people and started covering the house in neon and HBK Gang records. The SEC brought some appetizers then left, but not without “blessing our hearts”. Then, the Big Ten decided it would be a good idea to put a lamp shade over it’s head – again. Maybe we should give think before we give the Big Ten a call next time. 

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College Football Preseason Round-Up

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August 1, 2014
College Football
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It’s August, and there are only 27 more days until the first college football kickoff between Abilene Christian and Georgia State. With the 2014-2015 season upon us, many of those warm, fuzzy sentiments about the sport will descend upon our emotions and remind us that yes, Saturdays in the fall are the best. Yet, tradition in college football is not without its strange bedfellow of chaos. There are certain notable tweaks to the structure of naming a champion, as well as who is coaching where. In an effort to get you, dear reader, ready for the season, I have rounded up all the nuggets that I have deemed important. If you’re into preseason statistical analysis about your rooting interests’ chances at glory, please read SBNation’s Bill Connelly. Otherwise, welcome to my roundup of necessary college football information.

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