With college football only a stones throw away (31 days to be exact!), power rankings and preseason polls are popping up all over the place. This is just lighter fluid to fuel the slow burning embers that are a result of summer sport fatigue. People go bat shit crazy about these polls and rankings as if they actually mean something. This crazy is only a primer for the reactions we can expect when foot meets ball (bear [Bryant] with me – oh, fuck these puns). These reactions serve as great supplements to good games, and sometimes they are talked about more than the match up itself. So I submit to you, deranged college football fanatics, the power rankings of some of the best reactions of the 2012 season.
5. Texas Siren Speaks of Sooners
This isn’t the first time America has witnessed an attractive female from the University of Texas drop some expletives on national television and I’m sure it won’t be the last. Why? Because camera guys are creepy and love schadenfreude.
When trying to capture either a wry grimace or tears of frustration from this fan during the Longhorns’ terrible loss in the Red River Shootout, they received an agitated and animated F-Bomb. You can see they tried to quickly pull the camera away because Disney still wants to keep the “It’s a Small World” machine running, dammit.
There’s actually a great interview that Longhorn SBNation blog, Barking Carnival, conducted with this stunned Texas fan. You might think she’s foul mouthed and vulgar – I’d argue that she was the personification of UT football and a representative of the anguish we all feel at our struggling teams sometimes. You’re the voice of the people, Ms. F-Bomb!
4. Clemson Fan Doesn’t Like Pickens County, Flash Photography, and Football
Who could blame this young man? His beloved Tigers are losing for a fourth straight year to their in-state rival, South Carolina, there’s a camera in his face, and, oh yeah, the bars shut down at midnight in Pickens County. Of course he’s gonna be pissed.
The best part of his passionate finger flying antics is the attempt to figure out what he’s saying. I’ve been trying to lip read for hours: “Fuck this football”? “Fuck this poll?” “I hate balls”? “Oh, this blows”? “I need more bowls”? What are you trying to tell us, angry Tiger? I would get Dabo to translate, but he’s strung out on Five Hour Energy in front of Howard’s Rock, safeguarding it until the season starts.
3. Tennessee Fan Gets Gross
Ugh, Alabama. I know. It sucks, dude. They come in with their chest tattoos thinking they got too much ‘Bama in them, and then this happens. Never mind this is the umpteenth time this has happened. This was pretty inevitable. I get your frustration, but please, screaming eagles? It’s a bit much. Why do you have to perform this act in front of millions to see? Because you think it’s hilarious that ESPN now has footage of you gesturing as if you were well, uhm, never mind. Keep it classy, Big Orange.
(Actually, don’t – this is great stuff)
2. WAZZU FAN CHUGS FIREBALL, BRO
FIREBALL FAN: “UCLA scored already?! Fuggs it – this is gonna be a long one, guys.”
[fan pulls out Fireball bottle and starts chugging]
WAZZU CROWD: “GO GO GO GO GO”
FIREBALL’S FRIEND: “Dude, the camera guys on it.”
FIREBALL FAN: “Mmmmmmmmmhsklalbalhgs”
[Fireball fan holds fist high]
FAUX BEARD FAN: “Lemme get my beard beanie in the shot. Hahaha”
FIREBALL’S FRIEND: “Get out of the shot, BRO. Look at my man go!”
FIREBALL FAN: “WAZZERRRRRRRR”
[fan puts Fireball down to see camera is gone. People are patting him on the back as he stares at what feels like a thousand yards in front of him. The hysteria and the alcohol starts to get to him. He sees Jim Mora, Jr. on the field]
FIREBALL FAN: “PLAYOFFSTH?! DERN’T TWALK TO MUH ABOOT PLAYOFFSTH”
1. The Biggest Petey Pablo Fan of 2012
While anguish and welpness bring us some of the best fan reaction, there’s nothing like unadulterated joy and happiness that all of us can rally around. What better way to do it than the fan reaction equivalent of a FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN. It’s sweepingly beautiful, and, I believe, Petey Pablo cried when he saw this display of unabashed pride.
The wonderful incident above occurred in Raleigh where Jimbo Fisher’s squad decided to throw all “Florida State Back” narratives in the toilet. The week after they beat Clemson in Doak-Campbell they limped along in an awful display against NC State who was having a fairly lackluster year. When you lose to the conspiracy theorists of the ACC, you lose big (as Clemson will tell you in 2011). But this win was capped by a man who knew that the right thing to do in this situation was to raise up and do it for who? US US US!
Let that freak flag fly, Pack fan. Let it fly.