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Congratulations, college football fan – you made it!

After six months of trudging along through the hissing of untamable lawns, Frank Ocean’s endlessly dull carpentry show and, worst of all, baseball, you’ve made it. You’re here and you can leave one of the worst international capers not named The Thomas Crown Affair remake (don’t @ me) in the rear view.

College football is back, and we’re here to sell you all of the fantastic fruits and veggies that the farm of opening weekend has to offer as we head into autumn’s bountiful harvest of football. We’ll just warn you that farm-to-table doesn’t always mean that it’s the freshest. But hey, one dash of candy red paint will turn that moldy thing into the ripest beefsteak tomato.

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(Via USAToday Sports)

Author’s note: I apologize for the lack of a TV Party post this week but some issues came up and the thin slate dictated that I also give myself a bye week. Everything should be back to regularly scheduled programming in Week 9.

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Paul Johnson. Paul Johnson. Paul Johnson. Best guest ever. 

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(Via Carlos Osirio/AP Photo)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Jim Harbaugh was invited over to play Pictionary and still cannot stop yammering about how unfair it was that you skirted the rules even though he won. Charlie Strong stopped by, smiled, tipped his brand-new hat and said, “Good day” before dropping off Oklahoma, who had waaaaaaaayyyyyy too much to drink. Utah didn’t return anyone’s texts until later in the evening and then showed up out of nowhere only to sink into the couch and chuckle maniacally at the wall.   

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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world. 

This week: We are watching some games strictly for the schadenfreude. Some of these things have no real merit beyond that. Also, we are going to strap you down and make you watch Michigan-Northwestern via A Clockwork Orange because your soul needs to be cleansed in the purity of Midwestern passive aggression.

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(Via Gary McCullough/AP)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Gary Patterson wanted to let Texas know that they’ve made better chicken salad with just salt, pepper and chopped tofurkey. Ohio State showed up to the party and nearly dropped that shiny, highfalutin ice sculpture they made. Alabama brought over some cake with Georgia’s name on it only to shove it in their faces moments later. And, Al Golden wants to know why Map Quest gave him directions to Cincinnati. Everyone promptly asked Golden afterwards why he’s still using Map Quest. 

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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: After two weeks of not letting anyone in the house, locking all the doors and being absolutely consumed by a full two weeks of unrelenting chaos, Florida employment changes as well as a jaw dropping feat of record breaking party time has resumed. Hello friends, come in from out of the cold. We’ve got Florida State – Boston College on the television and a Dilly bar to chill the expectations of a warm meal consisting of substantial games.

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(Via ESPN)

The College Football Playoff selection committee will meet for the first time after Week 9. The committee is responsible for selecting a Top 25 each week that reflects the best teams in the country. The Top Four of the 25 picks represent the best four teams in a given week and the picks for the college football playoff should the playoff be held the day after the picks are made. No one at Tuesdays with Horry is on the selection committee but that won’t stop us from having a little fun. 

Through eight weeks of college football action, we head into Week 9 with a much more solidified field of candidates for the first ever playoff. Ole Miss stayed dominant by holding Tennessee to zero rushing yards. Alabama put Texas A&M in a headlock for four quarters. Florida State continues it’s win streak. And the fourth seed pick is a controversy in the making. Here are the picks as we head into Week 9:

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(Via Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: “Do you remember that one time we went cow tipping over at the Stewart Farm and that one cow bucked you right in face?” “Yeah, man. That hurt like hell.” “Or the time when we was out at that party and-and-and the cops came to shut it down and everybody ran out the back door and you fell into a pile of dog poo?” “Yeah, man. I had to take like three showers when I finally made it home.” “Hahaha, yeah. And, what about the time you tried hitting on that girl and she just ended up pouring a drink on you? Hahaha.” (We just had to run into Nostalgia this weekend. We’re never leaving the house again.) 

For a brief moment, it seemed like the world was thrust back to 2012. Everett Golson threw a perfect pass to receiver Corey Robinson on a slant route for a touchdown with 13 seconds remaining. The score read 33-31. Notre Dame would be back in the conversation as one of the most elite teams within the crazed sport of college football. In a flash of yellow, that possibility disappeared.

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(Via Leon Halip, USA Today)

Cleaning Up the Mess is here to make sense of what just happened at your weekend-long television party. Who put Goldfish in the blender? And why is the thermostat on 42?

This week: Arizona State invited everyone to your house on Thursday night because lol why not, man? The SEC East just wanted to talk about Rob Schneider and how no one in this country respects the First Amendment anymore. Oklahoma State thinks you’re not real, man. And Michigan was the most disgusting, uncouth guest that you had to welcome into your home because you work with him. 

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Welcome to TV Party, a weekly segment where we preview ten of the week’s most exciting match-ups in college football so you know when to grab some beer and ignore the outside world.

This week: Yes, we had to invite the SEC East. Why?! Because it was the nice thing to do. I don’t care how weird you think Gary Pinkel is. Now would please stop complaining. Arizona State and UCLA had a huge party next door on Thursday and my head hurts. 

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