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Tag Archives: Baylor

Drop Picks On ‘Em: Week 6

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October 4, 2013
College Football, Sports
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You’ve been furloughed Ha Ha. Sorry – *you’ve been furloughed, Ha Ha.

It’s shutdown week and at TwH we are all about keeping you informed about how this fiscal crisis will affect your Saturday afternoon:

  • Army, Navy, and Air Force games are were at the risk of not occurring 
  • If you’re a member of our nation’s armed forces overseas, you may not be able to see a game
  • You will not be able to visit any national parks or monuments so you might as well be a shut-in for one weekend, you outdoorsy, patriotic weirdo
  • You will not be able to see Ha Ha Clinton-Dix play because he has been furloughed by the University of Alabama
  • The Department of Defense has been forced to cancel their experiment in Boulder against the Oregon Ducks where the real Colorado Buffaloes were replaced by Buffalo androids to see if they could stop the Oregon offense
  • Lil’ Red will not be in attendance at the Illinois – Nebraska game because of the halt in agricultural subsidies to pay for two Cornhuskers within Memorial Stadium
  • “THE GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN MY OTHER SIGN” at College Gameday (YOU CAN DO BETTER, NORTHWESTERN)

Now that I’ve given you a small run-down on the reach of the federal government into your college football Saturdays, let’s get down to business (that’s non-profit business with little to no federal contracts, government. Please don’t shut down Saturday).

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We’ve Lost Them: Lessons from Week 4

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September 24, 2013
College Football, Sports
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It was around the second quarter when the hemorrhaging really started picking up. At the half, Miami had scored an unanswered 49 points. Savannah State had seen this before. After all, they are a cat with nine lives that keeps getting paid to get run over by people that don’t like felines. The bleeding only continued into the third quarter with the carnage getting worse as time ticked away. In the end, a mangled, battered, and beaten football team was before the savage masses within Sun Life Stadium. The primal fringe of the Miami fan base stayed to watch as the Tigers received the ten count and then whisked away to seek medical attention. But it was too late – the Hurricanes had done their damage. “Dammit,” a doctor in a nearby Miami hospital screamed. “We’ve lost them!”

The pummeling of Savannah State for the third straight year in a row by an FBS team (they’ve lost by a combined score of 216-7 for three years) was pretty much a microcosm for this weekend, in general. It was also a reminder that programs who schedule teams like Savannah State are pretty much sadists. So, what else did we learn in a week whose one highlight included Michigan almost losing to a perceived lesser opponent? Quite a bit, actually.

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Rome, er, LA is Burning: Lessons from Week 2

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September 8, 2013
College Football, Sports
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In a week that was supposed to be relatively quiet, it seemed like the world was on fire. First, the noon games were punctuated by a win by the Miami Hurricanes who won a turnover battle against an absolutely ugly Florida offense that reached its logical endpoint on a penalty to end the game. Then, the late afternoon games were highlighted by Georgia’s victory over South Carolina where Mark Richt seemed like he was going to be fired if he didn’t win. The prime time spot featured a dominant Michigan team led by Devin Gardner and Jeremy Gallon’s beautiful display of football. Yet Michigan’s time in the light would soon be eclipsed by a Texas defense that proved that the following axiom has not been altered in the slightest: Texas is still Texas. Calls for Mack Brown’s head in Austin were interrupted by a “Fire Kiffin” chant that could be heard alllllll the way from the East Coast due to USC’s terrible, terrible, terrrrrible loss to Washington State. Yes – the world is burning specifically Los Angeles and yes, also Austin. Week 2, you are an unpolished gem.

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